Eulogy for an Uncle, With 50 Lines and Four Speeches

A eulogy for an uncle usually runs three to five minutes, about 450 to 750 words, and works best built around two or three specific things he did. Say who you are to him, give the stories only you have, and finish on a line he would recognise as his own.

You are probably a niece or a nephew. His own children may be too close to it to speak, or there are no children, or the family looked around the room and landed on you.

That puts you in an odd spot. You knew him well enough to have stories and not well enough to know what his wife would want said out loud. You may not know what he did for work for thirty years. You do know what he said every time you left his house.

That last thing is worth more than the thirty years. Below is a bank of about fifty usable lines, sorted by the job each does in the speech, then four complete eulogies at four different lengths. Take what fits and change the names.

Opening lines for a eulogy for an uncle

The strongest opening line names your relationship to him in a few words and then stops. No greeting, no thank-you to the funeral director, no sentence about how hard this is. There is more on that one decision in how to start a eulogy without freezing at the first line.

• "My uncle Ray taught me to drive, in a car he could not really afford to let me hit things with."
• "I am Dan's niece. He would want me to say that straight away, because he never liked a speech that made you guess."
• "There are nine of us in this family who called him Uncle Mike, and all nine of us thought we were his favourite."
• "I had my uncle for thirty-one years. That is longer than some people get and a lot shorter than I had planned on."
• "My uncle Peter died on Tuesday morning, at home, with the radio on, which is almost exactly how he would have drawn it up."
• "I want to start with the sound of him, because that is the part I am most afraid of forgetting. He had a laugh you could hear from the driveway."
• "Uncle Joe was my mother's older brother, and for most of my childhood he was the only adult who talked to me like I already knew things."
• "If you are wondering who I am, I am the nephew he took fishing, badly, for about fifteen years."
• "He would hate this. He hated anything with a microphone in it. So I will be quick, and he can take it up with me later."
• "My uncle Tom was not a complicated man and I do not think he would want a complicated speech."

Lines for saying what he was actually like

The lines that land here describe one habit, not one personality trait. "He was kind" tells the room nothing it cannot already assume. The glovebox tells them everything.

• "He kept a tin of boiled sweets in the glovebox for the whole of my childhood, and he never once handed one over without first claiming he was out."
• "He was the person you called when something was broken and you did not want a lecture about why it broke."
• "He read the paper back to front, starting with the sport, and he would tell you the football before he told you the news."
• "He owned three pairs of reading glasses and could never locate any of them."
• "He was not affectionate the way the films do it. He was affectionate in the way of turning up early to help you move house."
• "He answered the phone by reciting his own number, every time, for forty years after that stopped being a thing people did."
• "He had a firm opinion on the correct way to stack a dishwasher and he was willing to be unpopular about it."
• "He never told me he was proud of me. He told other people, loudly, when he thought I was out of the room."
• "He wore the same coat for twenty years and had it reproofed twice rather than buy another one."
• "He was generous in a way he did not want discussed, which is the only reason I am discussing it now."
• "He was late to everything except work, where he was twenty minutes early for thirty-four years."
• "If you turned up at his door at any hour, the kettle went on before he asked why you were there."

Lines for the funny uncle, the ones that stay kind

A funny line belongs in the speech if his widow or his sister would also tell it. That is the whole test. If the laugh depends on him looking foolish in a way he minded, leave it in the car. Funny eulogy examples and the jokes to leave out covers where that line sits.

• "He once reversed a caravan into a hedge and then blamed the hedge, out loud, for about nine years."
• "He gave me my first beer and my first hangover, in that order, and denied all knowledge of both to my mother."
• "His barbecue technique was simply fire. There was no second stage."
• "He had one dance move. He performed it at four weddings and a christening."
• "He told the same three stories at every family gathering, and the third one got better every year, which is to say less true."
• "He was banned from choosing the Christmas film after 1998 and he never accepted the ruling."
• "He called every piece of technology a gadget and distrusted all of them, including the microwave, until the day he died."
• "He bought a motorbike at fifty-nine. My auntie has asked me not to go into it."
• "He could not sing, and that never slowed him down once."
• "He maintained to the end that he had been a promising footballer. We have never found anyone who saw it."

Lines for an uncle you did not see often

If you did not know him well, say so in one honest line near the start and then hand the floor to the part you do have. A small amount of him, told exactly, beats a general tribute that could be about anybody. More on that in how to write a eulogy for someone you didn't know well.

• "I saw my uncle maybe twice a year, which means I have about sixty days of him, and I have been going through all sixty this week."
• "There are people in this room who knew him far better than I did. What I can tell you is what he was like to a child who did not see him often."
• "He and my mother did not speak for a long time. I am not going to pretend that away today and I am not going to make it the headline either."
• "I knew the uncle he was on holidays and at funerals. I am told that was not the whole of him and I believe it."
• "I learned most of what I know about him this week, from his neighbours, and all of it was good."
• "He was a private man. He would think this was already too much information."
• "We were not close the way families are supposed to be close. We were close in the way of two people who always asked after each other through somebody else."
• "I cannot give you his whole life. I can give you one afternoon of it, and I think it tells you most of what you need."

Closing lines for an uncle's eulogy

Close on something he said or did, not on a sentiment about loss. The room has the loss already. What it does not have is his last habit, said out loud by somebody who saw it.

• "He always walked us out to the car. Every single time. So we will walk him out today."
• "Thank you for the sweets, and the lifts, and for never once making me feel like I was in the way."
• "He signed every card the same way: see you soon, don't be a stranger. So, see you soon."
• "If you drive home tonight and take the long way round because the view is better, that is him. That is all him."
• "I will miss him at the edges of things. At the back of the room at weddings. On the phone when nobody else picks up."
• "Go well, Uncle Jim. The hedge forgives you."
• "He would want me to finish by telling you there is food in the hall and it is already paid for."
• "I am keeping the glasses, and the coat, and the stupid tin in the glovebox."
• "He was my uncle for forty years and my friend for about thirty of them. I got the better end of that."
• "The kettle is on at his house. He would want it busy in there tonight."

Four complete eulogies for an uncle, written out in full

These are finished speeches, not outlines. Read them out loud, because the only thing that matters on the day is how they sound at walking pace.

1. A full eulogy from a nephew, about three minutes

My name is Daniel. Raymond was my mother's brother, and for most of my life he lived eleven minutes away, which he had measured and liked to mention.

I want to tell you three things about my uncle.

The first is that he was the most reliable person I have known, and he was reliable in small ways rather than big ones. He did not give speeches about family. He turned up. He turned up when my dad was in hospital and then sat in the car park for four hours because there were already too many of us in the room. He turned up on the morning of my exams with a flask of tea and a newspaper, and he did not ask me a single question about the exam. He turned up to every one of my daughter's birthdays, including the two that were held in the rain.

The second is that he was funny in a way that took a while to notice. He never told a joke. He said true things in a flat voice at the exact wrong moment. At my wedding he leaned over during the speeches and said, quietly, that he had been to better and he had been to worse, and that this one was going to come down to the dessert. He was seventy-one. He ate three.

The third is that he taught me to work. I spent four summers on his vans. He paid me badly and on time, and he corrected me in front of nobody. The first week I made a mistake that cost him money, and he looked at it for a while and said, right, we will do that once. That is the whole of what I know about managing people and I have never improved on it.

He had a hard couple of years at the end and he did not complain about them, which was partly dignity and partly that he had never worked out how. He died at home on Tuesday with Jean beside him, which is what he wanted and what he asked for.

Jean, Claire, Michael. He talked about the three of you constantly and never once at length, because he would have found that embarrassing.

He always walked us out to the car. Every time, in any weather, standing in the doorway until we had actually gone. So we are going to walk him out today, all of us, and then we are going to the hall to tell these stories again, badly.

Thank you for the lifts, Uncle Ray. Thank you for the tea. Thank you for not asking about the exam.

2. A short one, for when you have ninety seconds

I am Sarah, Michael's niece.

My uncle was a quiet man in a loud family, and he was the one we all phoned.

He kept a tin of boiled sweets in the glovebox of every car he ever owned. He would always say he was out of them, and then find one. I am thirty-eight years old and I still checked that glovebox the last time I borrowed his car.

He was not a man for occasions. He came to all of them anyway, standing near the door with a drink he was not drinking, waiting to be useful.

He was useful. That is the thing I want said out loud today. When my mother was ill he drove her to every appointment for fourteen months and told nobody.

I do not have a big ending. He would not have wanted one.

Thank you for the lifts, Uncle Mike. Thank you for the sweets you did not have.

3. For the funny uncle, with the jokes kept kind

Right. My uncle Jim would hate this.

He hated microphones, he hated fuss, and he had a specific horror of what he called a long do. So I will be quick, and he can take it up with me later.

Jim was my dad's younger brother and he was, for the record, the worst driver this family has produced. He once reversed a caravan into a hedge in Pembrokeshire and blamed the hedge, out loud, for nine years. The hedge has outlived him. I think that is the correct outcome.

He had one dance move. I will not be demonstrating it. Those of you who were at Claire's wedding know that it involved both elbows and a level of commitment the music had not asked for.

He bought a motorbike at fifty-nine. My auntie Pat has asked me not to go into the motorbike. I will say only that it was yellow, that it sat in the garage for eleven years, and that he sat on it most Sundays.

He told the same three stories every Christmas, and the third one got better every year, which is another way of saying less true. By the end he had somehow been present at a goal he definitely watched on television.

Here is the part he would skip.

Jim was the one in our family who noticed. He noticed when my cousin stopped coming to things. He noticed, two Christmases ago, that I was not drinking, and he said nothing about it to anyone, including me, except to put a bottle of lemonade in my hand for the rest of the week. He was a funny man who was also paying attention, and those two things go together less often than you would hope.

He was married to Pat for forty-one years. He called her the boss in public and asked her advice about everything in private, which I think is the right way round.

Jim, the hedge forgives you. The caravan does not and never will.

There is food in the hall. He would want you to know it is already paid for, and that you should have the beef.

4. For an uncle you loved but did not really know

I am Tom, Edward's nephew. I want to be honest at the start: there are people in this room who knew my uncle far better than I did.

I saw him twice a year. Christmas, and whichever wedding or funeral came round. That gives me something like sixty days of him across my whole life, and I have spent this week going through all sixty.

So I cannot give you the whole man. What I can give you is what he was like to a boy who did not see him often, which turns out to be its own kind of information.

He never once asked me how school was going. He asked me what I was reading, and then he argued with me about it. I was nine. He argued properly, as though my answer might change his mind. I did not know adults could do that.

He remembered things. He remembered the name of a dog we had for two years when I was small. He remembered that I did not eat tomatoes, twenty years after I had stopped minding, and he took them out of the salad anyway.

He and my mother were not close, and I am not going to tidy that away today. It was there for most of my life and it was never explained to me. What I know is that he asked after her every single time I saw him, and that she asked after him, and that neither of them ever did anything about it. I have thought about that a lot this week. I would rather you heard it from me than wondered.

This week I talked to his neighbours, and to the men he worked with at the depot, and I learned more about him in four days than in forty years. All of it was good. A man who shovelled other people's paths. A man who kept a spare key for half the street.

Uncle Edward, I wish I had asked you more questions. I am glad I got the sixty days.

How to put your lines in order

Put them in this order: who you are, one sentence on who he was, two or three specific stories, one honest sentence about the end if there is one to make, then a closing line he would recognise. That structure holds at ninety seconds or at five minutes. With the slots filled in it looks like this:

1. Who you are, in one line. "I am Sarah, Michael's niece."
2. Who he was to the family, in one line. "My uncle was a quiet man in a loud family, and he was the one we all phoned."
3. Story one, a habit. "He kept a tin of boiled sweets in the glovebox of every car he ever owned."
4. Story two, a time he turned up. "When my mother was ill he drove her to every appointment for fourteen months and told nobody."
5. Story three, optional, the funny one. "He told the same three stories every Christmas, and the third one got better every year."
6. The end, if you are going to mention it. "He died at home on Tuesday with Jean beside him, which is what he asked for."
7. The people he leaves. "Jean, Claire, Michael. He talked about the three of you constantly."
8. Closing line. "Thank you for the lifts, Uncle Mike."

Eight slots. Fill six and you have a eulogy. The two you will be tempted to pad are the first and the last, and they are the two that want to be shortest.

If you are the niece or nephew and his own children are not speaking

Ask his spouse or his children two questions before you write anything: is there something you want said, and is there something you want left out. Those two answers remove the only real risk in this speech, which is saying something true that the family was not ready to hear in a church.

A funeral speech for an uncle given by a niece or nephew carries a particular freedom. You are close enough to have the stories and far enough back that the room will forgive you being light. His children cannot usually be light. You can. That is often why you were asked.

Name his spouse and his children out loud, by name, somewhere in the speech, because they will be counting. If you are speaking for a group of cousins, say so once at the top and then speak in your own voice, not a committee voice.

If you have the stories and no idea how to order them, you can put what you know into our eulogy writer and read a full draft free before deciding anything. It gets words on the page so you have something to argue with instead of a blank screen.

What to write in a eulogy for an uncle?

Write two or three specific things he did more than once, plus one line saying who you are to him and one closing line in his own register. Habits beat adjectives: the tin in the glovebox, the phone answered by reciting the number, the path shovelled before anyone was awake. Leave out his employment history and anything you would not say to his widow's face.

What should I say in a funeral speech for my uncle who died?

Say who you are, name one thing he was reliably like, tell two short stories that show it, and thank him for something small and real. Three to five minutes is plenty. Nobody expects you to summarise his life. They want to hear him sound like himself for four minutes.

What is a good farewell message to an uncle who died?

The best farewell messages are short and borrow his own words. "Thank you for the lifts, Uncle Mike." "See you soon, don't be a stranger." "Go well, Uncle Jim." A farewell line works when it sounds like something the two of you actually said to each other, which is why the generic ones feel thin when you read them back.

What is the best opening line for a eulogy?

The best opening line states who you are and stops, in about eight words. "I am Sarah, Michael's niece." Then one short sentence that could only be about him. Avoid opening with how hard the day is, a dictionary definition, or a quotation, because all three delay the only thing the room is waiting for.

How long should a eulogy for an uncle be?

Three to five minutes, about 450 to 750 words read at a slow, steady pace. Ninety seconds is fine and sometimes better, particularly if several people are speaking. Past six minutes a room starts to drift. Time it out loud once, standing up.

One last thing

A eulogy for an uncle is a short speech at his funeral that says who he was to the people in the room, usually given by a niece, a nephew, or a sibling rather than by one of his own children. That is all it has to do.

You have more of him than you think. It is in the tin in the glovebox, the long way round because the view is better, the walk out to the car in the rain. Pick three, write them down in the order they happened, and you are most of the way there. If you want a draft to start from instead of a blank page, it is free to read first. Either way, the words will be yours by Saturday.