How to Start a Eulogy Without Freezing at the First Line

Start a eulogy by saying who you are and how you knew them, then go straight to one specific thing about them. Two sentences of each is enough. Skip the thank-yous, skip the dictionary definition, and do not apologise for being nervous. The room already knows why you are standing there.

You may already know what you want to say about them. It is the first thirty seconds that will not come. That is normal, and it is not a writing problem. The opening is the only part of the speech you deliver while your hands are still shaking and the room is still settling.

Below are twelve openings written out in full. Not first lines on their own, which is what most lists give you, but the line plus the four or five sentences after it that carry you into the rest of the speech. A first line with nowhere to go is what makes people stall on the second sentence. If you have not drafted the body yet, it is worth reading how to write a eulogy when you do not know where to start first, then coming back for the opening.

Take one of these, put your own names and details into it, and move on. None of it needs to be original. Nobody in that room is marking your opening.

Three openings that work for almost anyone

If you want no risk at all, use one of these three. They work at any funeral, in any family, for any relationship.

1. The plain introduction

Say your name, say how you are related, then name three things. The count does the work: it tells the room how long you will be, and it tells you where you are going next.

Good morning. My name is Sarah, and Tom was my father. For those of you who did not know me, I am the younger of his two daughters, the one who got his bad knees and his worse sense of direction. I want to tell you three things about him this morning. The first is that in forty years of marriage he was never once on time. The second is that he never once forgot a birthday. The third is that he would have had a lot to say about the price of these flowers, so I will keep this short.

2. The one-line portrait

Open with a single sentence that sums them up, then spend the next few lines unpacking it. This works best when the sentence is slightly odd, because odd is memorable and generic is not.

My mother kept a list of everyone who had ever been unkind to her. She kept it in her head, and she never once acted on it. She just quietly stopped inviting them. I am Ruth, her daughter. That list is the most useful thing I can tell you about her, because it explains the rest: the patience, the very long memory, and the fact that this room is full of people she chose on purpose.

3. The thing they always said

If they had a phrase, a rule, or a piece of advice they repeated for decades, start there. You do not have to explain why it matters. Say it, then show it working.

My grandfather had one piece of advice and he gave it to everybody. Buy the boots. Whatever it is you need, he would say, buy the good ones, because you will wear them for twenty years. I am Daniel, the eldest of his six grandchildren, and I am standing here in a pair of boots he made me buy in 2019. So let me tell you about a man who was right about almost everything, and who would be very annoyed that it has taken me this long to say so.

Openings for a specific situation

4. When you are not the first speaker

Two or three people may speak before you, and one of them will use your line. Say so and move on. The room enjoys it, and it buys you a sentence while you find your place.

I had a very good opening written, and Father Michael used it about four minutes ago. So I will start somewhere else. When my brother Paul was fourteen, he set fire to the garden shed trying to build a barbecue, and our mother's first question was not whether he was hurt. It was whether he had saved the sausages. I am Anne, his sister, and I have spent fifty years being the sensible one so that he did not have to be.

5. When you barely knew them

Colleagues, neighbours and newer friends get asked to speak more often than people expect. Name the limit of what you knew. Trying to sound closer than you were is the only way this one goes wrong.

I want to be honest about why I am the one standing here. I worked with Margaret for four years, and in that time I never once went to her house. I did not know her husband's name until Tuesday. What I knew was the version of her who came to work every day, and I think that version deserves twenty minutes of anybody's time, so I am going to give you four.

6. When the death was sudden

When there was no warning, the room is not settled and neither are you. Do not open with a summary of their life. Open with the fact that nobody has caught up yet.

Nine days ago I was arguing with my brother about a parking space. I want to say that out loud, because I think a lot of us are carrying something like it this week: an ordinary last conversation that we did not know was the last one. I am Michael. James was my younger brother by two years. None of this is finished, and I am not going to stand here and pretend otherwise. What I can do is tell you who he was.

7. When the relationship was complicated

You do not owe the room a reconciliation. An honest opening is safer than a warm one you cannot hold for four minutes, and the people who know will be relieved you said it.

My father and I did not speak for six years. I am not going to stand here and tell you we made our peace, because we did not, not really. We made something smaller and later than that, and it was enough to sit in a room together at Christmas. I am Chris, his son. I am going to tell you about the parts of him I liked, and there were more of them than I ever let him know.

8. When it is going to be funny

If the speech is going to be funny, signal it in the first fifteen seconds so the room knows it has permission. A joke that arrives at minute three with no warning makes people anxious rather than glad.

Before I start, Dad left instructions. He wanted me to tell you that the sandwiches afterwards are not from the good place, because the good place wanted forty pounds more, and he was not paying it even now. I am Rob, his son. He was a very funny man and a very careful one with money, and I am going to try to be the first of those two things for the next four minutes.

Openings for when the speaking itself is the hard part

9. When you are not sure you will get through it

Tell the room what you need from it. A funeral audience will give you anything you ask for, but it has to be asked. This opening is short on purpose: the fewer words between you and the body of the speech, the better.

I am going to read this, and I am going to read it slowly, because if I look up I will not finish. My name is Ellie. Kate was my sister, older than me by eighteen months. If I stop for a moment, I am all right, and I will start again. Please just wait for me. Kate would have found all of this very funny, which is where I want to begin.

10. When you are reading it on someone else's behalf

Widows, widowers and parents often write the words and cannot deliver them. Say whose words they are in the first three sentences, or the room will spend the whole speech confused about who is speaking.

My name is Priya. I am reading this on behalf of my mother, who wrote every word of it and cannot say it out loud today. So when you hear the word I in this, it is hers and not mine. Here is what she wanted to say about her husband of fifty-one years.

Two more: a long life, and a service built around faith

11. When they lived a long life

Ninety years will not fit in five minutes and the room knows it. Say the number, admit the problem, then narrow the speech down in front of everybody.

My grandmother was ninety-six. She outlived two husbands, one of her own children, her entire bridge club, and a doctor who told her in 1974 that if she did not give up smoking she would never see sixty. She did give up, for the record. She simply wanted it noted that she would have made it anyway. I am Tom, her grandson. Ninety-six years is far too much for one speech, so I have picked three days.

12. When faith is the frame of the service

In a religious service the opening works better as evidence than as doctrine. Show what the belief made them do on an ordinary Thursday, and the room gets both the faith and the person.

My mother's faith was not decorative. It got her up at six. It got her to the food bank on Thursdays for thirty-one years, and it got her through the last eight months without one word of complaint. I am Grace, her daughter. She asked for Psalm 23 today, and she asked for it read properly, so we will come to that. First I want to tell you what she did with the rest of the week.

What is the best opening line for a eulogy?

The best opening line for a eulogy is one specific, true sentence that nobody could say about anyone else. "She was a kind and generous woman" could be said about half the people in the room. "My mother kept a list of everyone who had ever been unkind to her" could only be said about one.

That is the whole test. Before you settle on a first line, read it back and ask whether it would still be true at the next funeral you attend. If it would, it is not specific enough yet.

Four line shapes pass that test reliably:

• A fact with a number in it. Thirty-one years at the food bank. Six grandchildren. Never once on time in forty years.
• A thing they said constantly. Quote it exactly, including the parts that do not quite make sense.
• A small habit. What they did with their hands, what they kept in the car, what they always ordered.
• An honest admission. That you did not speak for six years, that you barely knew them, that you are frightened of the next four minutes.

How long should the opening of a eulogy be?

The opening of a eulogy should run 30 to 60 seconds, which is about 75 to 150 words, or the first two short paragraphs on the page. A full eulogy of 3 to 5 minutes is roughly 500 to 750 words, so the opening is about a fifth of it.

If your opening is longer than 150 words you are probably still introducing yourself. Two sentences of who you are is the ceiling. If the whole speech has to be shorter than three minutes, cut the opening to a single sentence of introduction and one specific detail, which is how the examples in short eulogy examples you can read in under three minutes are built.

Five openings that do not work

These fail in the room rather than on the page, which is why they survive in so many lists of advice.

1. The dictionary definition. No eulogy has ever been improved by what a dictionary says the word grief means. Start with the person instead.
2. The apology. "I am not very good at public speaking" tells the room to worry about you rather than listen to you. They already know this is hard. Say nothing about it and begin.
3. The thank-you list. Thanking people for coming, thanking the church, thanking the caterers: this is the celebrant's job and they have usually already done it two minutes before you stood up.
4. A quote from someone who never met them. Opening on a famous line about loss delays the person by thirty seconds. A reading works better later in the service, and these twelve full poems and readings include the sentence to say before each one.
5. The pile of adjectives. Kind, generous, loving, selfless, always there for everyone. Four adjectives in a row describe nobody. One habit describes them completely.

If you have a draft and it opens with one of these five, the fix is usually to delete the first paragraph entirely. The second paragraph is very often the real opening.

What to do in the ten seconds before you speak

Walk up, put the paper flat on the lectern, and take one full breath in and out before you say a word. That pause feels enormous to you and reads as composure to everyone else.

Four practical things that make the first line easier to deliver:

• Print it at 16 point or larger, double spaced. You will not be able to read your normal font size with adrenaline in your hands.
• Number the pages and do not staple them. Stapled pages have to be flipped. Loose numbered pages slide.
• Put the paper down rather than holding it. Shaking hands are visible in paper and invisible on a lectern.
• Pick one person near the back to say the first line to. Not a family member in the front row. Somebody who will not make you cry in sentence one.

Write the opening last, after the body of the speech exists. It is far easier to introduce something you have already written than to introduce something you have not decided on yet. If the body is still blank, the eulogy writer at eulogy.manjasheets.com asks a few quiet questions and gives you a full draft to cut into, with a free preview before you decide anything.

Common questions about starting a eulogy

What is the best last line of a eulogy?

The best last line is short, plain and addressed to the person or the room, not a quotation. "Goodbye, Dad. Thank you for the boots." lands harder than any borrowed line. The ending needs a run-up more than it needs a clever sentence, and twelve endings with the words before them are written out in full.

What are two important things to include in a eulogy?

Who you are to the person, and one specific story that shows their character rather than describing it. Everything else is optional. Dates, jobs and schools are what an obituary is for. A fuller component list, with the actual sentences for each slot, is in what to include in a eulogy.

What to say at the beginning of a celebration of life?

Open a celebration of life more warmly and more informally than a funeral, and say the word celebration out loud so the room knows the register. "We are here because Dad refused to have anything black at this" does the job in one sentence. The structure is the same: who you are, then one specific thing about them.

Do you have to introduce yourself at the start of a eulogy?

Yes, in almost every case. Even at a small funeral, a third of the room will not know which of the children you are, and people who cannot place you spend the first minute working it out instead of listening. One sentence is enough: your name and your relationship.

Should you thank people for coming at the start of a eulogy?

No, as a rule. The celebrant or the funeral director almost always opens the service by thanking everyone, so repeating it costs you your first fifteen seconds. If the family wants it said by a family member, put it at the end instead, where it works as a close.

Can you start a eulogy with a quote or a poem?

You can, but it is usually the weaker choice, because it puts a stranger's words in front of the person everyone came for. If a particular poem mattered to them, say so first in your own words, then read it later in the speech. A quote only works as an opening when they said it themselves.

Before you close the laptop

Pick one of the twelve above, change the names, and read it out loud once standing up. If you can get through the first thirty seconds on your feet, you will get through the rest, because the opening is the only part that has to fight a cold room.

And if the page underneath the opening is still empty at midnight, you can see a free preview of a full draft and spend what is left of tonight editing something rather than starting it.